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Play Therapist

Real-Life Activities

Real-Life Communication -- Solution

  1. Only bad girls throw their toys.

    Labeling the child "bad" is judgmental. It will probably make her feel even worse. An alternative statement might be, "You must feel something very strongly to want to throw your toy. Do you mind telling me about it?"

  2. Why are you so mad?

    This assumes you know how the child feels. It would be better to say, "I can tell you're feeling a lot of emotion right now. I'd like to understand, if you feel like sharing with me."

  3. Do you think you're shifting the resentment you feel toward your parents onto that stuffed toy?

    This is on the thinking level, rather than the feeling level. A simple question like, "How do you feel about that toy?" might be better.

  4. How long are you going to carry on like that?

    This is judgmental and is likely to make the child feel guilty and misunderstood. A better thing to say might be, "When you're ready to talk, I'll be here to listen."

  5. If you're so upset, maybe you should tell me what the problem is.

    This assumes the child is upset, and it is judgmental because you're assuming there's a problem. Even if the child is visibly upset and has a problem, it might be better to say, "When I'm unhappy, I know how important it is to talk to someone. Would you like to talk with me?"

Communication skills are extremely important for play therapists. A lot of it is intuitive, dealing more with listening and feeling than talking. You have to consider what the child says and does within the context of the situation.

"You have to be able to listen to the bigger story -- what the child is saying in the context of their situation," says play therapist Joanne Ginter.

Some play therapists write research papers and books. This takes strong writing skills. "You definitely need to be able to take what you hear in the child's language in the therapy world and translate it into professional therapeutic lingo," says Ginter.


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